i know i've been insensitive and rough to our gravity-challenged, feminic-enhanced brothers. i'm sure many such beautiful individuals are hurt by my cutting words and cruel japes. and i know many have contemplated sending me a comment at the bottom of each entry telling me to stop it or they will cry. i know all this and today, yes today, i will put up a list on everyday living on how to stop picking on the league of the fatso-fairies. the list is long, the list is short, the list does not discriminate nor does it encourage hate crimes. the list is after all, just a list.  but the list is also a means of my apology to the population that has, for years, provided us the occassional giggle, the occassional comment such as: i may be broke, but at least i aint fat and poofter-like. phew!

so here we go (btw - overweight nancy boys can also read once they've stopped sniffling, crying and whining in an annoying nasal lispy manner):

(a) imagine them in positions of power - thats righ, as assistant head guy of arranging the napkins at expensive restaurants such as mcdonalds and wendys, or as ... the second assistant to the office manager (for office stationary supplies specialising in staplers and getting paper clips disentangled) or as ... head flower arranger of large wedding shops in the display section specializing in roses and occassionally carnations ...  once you imagine them with such heavy responsibilities, your opinion of them will change and that they will cease to be the source of your daily gigglings;

(b) imagine them in a frank discussions with politicians - on world issues such as: the fate of migrating geese during winter; the effect of planting roses and then leaving them to grow wild without pruning them. at night; the poor state of the petting zoo section of the local shopping mall; the high cost of battery units for those small buggies you find at golf clubs; and, the concerns of parents for the safety of their child's pet during the holidays (cats and dogs excluded). not only will you see them in a new light, but you will also acknowledge the fact that hey, they're not silly people after all! they can be taken seriously! oh wow.

(c) imagine them fighting with their fists - now this would require equipment and some visual effects. and a voice-over dubbing needed during the actual fight. not only will you see them in tough action, but you can also understand that the flabs under their arms and their jiggly man-tits are actually weapons of self-defence. this display of physical bravado will enchant some girl somewhere. i think.

(d) imagine them being witty and brilliantly conversive in a posh social gathering whilst smoking a cohiba cigar looking calm and collected - hmm. okay, you just can't. i'm sorry. next.

(e) imagine them having a beautiful girlfriend who loves them unconditionally, withouth the exchange of large wads of sweaty bills - this imagining would of course, require you to undergo psychiatric treatment and maybe shock therapy because doctors the world over will tell you that fantasies such as this is really super hard to achieve because how can you imagine something you've never seen, considered or even played around with in the deepest darkest recess of your brain.