meetings bore the crap out of you? discussions with dull lifeless mannequins causes you mental suicide attempts? dialogues with overweight government people causing you to fall asleep while you are falling asleep? then worry no more kind people, for i, bloodlet the incredible, the incredibly well endowed, the incredibly handsome one with large hands is here to provide some tips on everyday living on how to survive death-blow meetings like the ace that i am. but blood, some of you are whinging, what if we cannot emulate the greate blood? what is to become of us? who will bed us now? fear not, kind ladies, these tips apply to all. thats right. all. so sit back, put up your feet, pull yourself closer to the monitor and read on ... (wipe your hands and thighs after you're done)

(a) play: bingo with balls - this is an easy game. each time you think of a pair of testicles, shout out loud: BALLS! if you're a girly girl then you may want to say it softly but in a forceful manner, like *whisper* balls! *whisper*.

(b) paperclip wonder - sharpen several paper clips, (about 200 - 300 pieces) open them and poke one end into the cushion of your seat so that the sharpened end points outwards. now gently lower your plump posterior onto the rows and rows of sharpened paper-clips ala bed of nails. as your flesh is slowly but inevitably invaded / penetrated by the paper clips, wriggle your buttocks abit to acclimatize to the pain and the drawing of blood. as you are well seated, each movement, each subtle expression on your face will light up your eyes like a million candles! never will you ever be sleepy again. of course, you may want to visit the clinic after this, as rusty paper clips can cause lock jaw.

(c) picking nose - nose picking, or deep nostril mining is an art. some use the little pinkie, others use the index finger whilst there are a few who uses both thumb and their toes to enter and retrieve them brown soft spongy nuggets of fun. during a boring meeting, start digging (set a time to it) and see how big a pile of boogers you can compile and balance on the side of a  ball point pen without it tipping over. if frustrations overcome you, mash them all up into one big ball of moist green/brown stuff, then instead of snacking on them (i know, it is tempting), flick it at the chairman of the meeting. aim for his mouth. when he/she is talking. give yourself 100 point if it enters the mouth. and 1000 points if he / she chews it, smiles then swallows it.

(d) the seduction game - this one is easy-peasy. get into the meeting room at least 5 minutes earlier, shut your eyes so that you will not know who the person is that will sit beside you. cover your ears as well as you will not hear his / her voice. when someone does eventually sit beside you, with your eyes still shut, smile at him / her. then say in a low, slurry voice "wanna play with me and my fingers? hmm? i wanna play with you and YOUR fingers. hmm." then still seated, gyrate your hips in a seductive manner with both your hands clasped behind your neck and your face turned away as if high on life and good sensations. if he / she response in a positive manner, snap open your eyes and shout out loud "holy moley its the fat one! get away from me your disgusting fat person! fat people disgust me! go away and be fat somewhere else please! some one help me!" if the person is not fat, choose other less appreciative features: such as baldness, ugliness (protruding teeth with thick glasses can categorically be deemed ugly), shyness. then quickly leave the meeting room.

(e) the pants game - this one is even easier. bored of meetings after meetings after meetings? the next meeting enter the room without pants / skirt. if people stare, look down at your legs act surprised then exclaim to yourself loudly "now where did i put the penis enlarger pump?" not only will you be greeted with much boisterous back slapping and appreciative giggles and envious looks from rival colleagues, but you will also be seen as a hero. why? because heroes dare do the impossible.

(f) the pointing game - if you thought the pants game was easy, this one is even more dead easy. without saying one word, walk into the meeting room, choose a fattish block, stand in front of him and just point your finger at him without moving a muscle. your head must be turned away as if repulsed by the subject matter of your pointing finger. if people start to ask why, simply shake your head and without your other hand, clamp your nostrils with thumb and forefinger thereby implying that the fat person is both repulsive AND smelly. then walk out sharply never to return. later on the day, approach the fattish person and say that it was all a misunderstanding, that you now understand why he is what he is and that there are clinics willing to help him overcome the problem.